painting once again.

Again I posted this title and then did not follow through.
It was a hard time in my life.
My nephew had died and my father was facing his battle with cancer once again.
Then my brother in law, the father of the child who died, also was facing a battle with cancer.

To top it off I lost an 2 Uncles and 2 Aunts and my best friend lost her father.
I was over the top most of the time and sadder than sad.

I moaned and groaned and couldn't find my way out of the pain.
I got lost in a very dim dark room of my mind and a lot of people felt like I just needed a quick kick in the pants, or as they said GOT IN MY FACE.

No that really doesn't work for me other than to get my defences up and makes me become angry. I don't like people who use put downs or mean remarks to move a person along.
I prefer people with a slow hand or a gently touch.
Who can say in easy tones "Pam, enough."
Who can say what it is that I need to hear.
Say it in a tone and temperament that leads me slowly through the darkness.
Then I can paint once again.

If they are shouting at me, like a child I want to hide for cover, or slide further under the bed to keep from being harmed.
I can only be coaxed out by the gentle tones of some one who cares.
Enough of this getting in someones face when they are down, it doesn't work for me.

Why is it more people are willing to yell at you then to gently sit down beside you and just put an arm around your shoulder and say..."I understand, but trust me it will be OK" while you hurt so much inside that you can't think at all.

I need the understanding so that I can paint.
I don't need put downs, shouting, or comments like just get over it.
Not at first maybe when I have moved on, then a discussion on getting over it would be enlightening.

All in all, I found my own way to painting once again.
Paint under a deadline. LOL


The bigger meaning of healing is a 'wholing,' a filling out of the missing pieces of a person's life.-Patricia Reiss

Need to Paint

I forgot about this one but realize I need to follow up on too funny.
Life wasn't funny at all for a long time after that posting.

I didn't paint for nearly 6 months but I accepted a show late in the year and finally found a way to paint.
I painted scenes from family life.
I painted mother's holding babies, father playing with their children.

I painted and painted and painted.
I made the deadline for the show and once again was able to move forward.

I needed to paint to heal my soul and to get over the saddness.

Today's Quote
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.-Jean Cocteau

TOO FUNNY?

So here I am on my own blog site and I forget to check it out.
Too Funny.
especially since the last posting did produce some comments.
I checked out the Juicy Fruit sight and see that they too are having some trouble remembering to post to their own blog.
Guess we all tend to start something and never follow through.
Too Funny.

The other comments seem to be advertisements.
Why?
If I don't even come here.....why would someone post an ad here to attract traffic to their own sights....TOO FUNNY

Now for the art part of this blog.
The art world has swirled around me and I am either really really up or really really down.
Is it an artist's tendency to be so emotional.
Is that what makes them creative?

I lost my nephew this year.
He was only 25 years old.
He lived large and he lived big.
His whole life he lived on the edge.
His ups and downs were wild and erratic. He did have the ability to be creative.
But his choice was to live creatively versus produce creative ideas.
He did more in his life then most will do in a lifetime.

But he died.
He died from alcohol poisoning during New Orleans Mardi Gras in 2006.
The year after Katrina.
The year that New Orleans really wasn't ready to have Mardi Gras again.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough resturants opened again.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough police staff to control the event.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough emergency staff to respond to problems.
Was it my nephew's fault that there wasn't enough to do in New Orleans during Mardi Gras that 20 young men stayed in the same room and spent the weekend going out for fun and the only thing available to do was drink....to a certain extent of course. It was his choice.
But I also think it was partly the myth of Mardi Gras and New Orleans' need to continue this myth.
No this isn't "too funny" but definately is " too sad".
My last painting so far this year was a painting dedicated to my Nephew.
Sean's Song.

I hope that I will find my creative edge again this year and continue to produce my creative side.

At the Same Spot but yet have moved on.

Well, rereading my own blog I find that I am nearly at the same spot.
But yet it is different.
I have moved away from those who tend to make me feel less than I am or in other words bring the worst out in me......and it does produce a sense of freedom.

Yet. I find that I am in the same spot. Those I have moved away from and I avoid.....their spot has been filled by others who do the same thing....make me feel less than I am.

Is this because I let them.
Is this because of something within me that they zoom in on and feel free to inform me of what I am doing incorrectly.
Is this a way of life for me and all that there is?

I did learn something about leaving those behind ....that when I meet someone new who tends to bring the worst out in me...I no longer spend that much time with them. I move on much faster. I don't try to understand their need to put me down or waste my energy being angry with them. I take care of me and let them wear someone else down. If the person is someone I care about...then I will speak openly to them and will not allow them to bring me down. I will let them know that I value their opinions but that they cannot tell me NOT to be who I am. I will respect them and in return they need to respect me.

Ok so this isn't about art but about attitude.
Art is the subject here.
Art and Naked Walls.

Now this is a true artist's attitude Naked Walls....do they distrub or do they bring peace?

At the Same Spot but yet have moved on.

A new day a new key.

Things have been fast and furious here.
Many adventures some good some bad.
Needing to really focus on the key to making a living by my art.
No more playing around.
No more time spent doing other work for other people.

I tend to share my ideas before their time and those who have the ability to move faster take these same Ideas and run with them.
I have to learn to keep things to myself more.
It is interesting to find so many people who tend to make me feel less than I am are so willing to take my plans.
Now if they don't respect me....Why do they want to beat me to my own game.
Not sure this is making any sense but just something I need to put down....

I have missed another show and exhibition deadline. I feel that I am sabotaging myself in my own endeavors....if I plan to make more than I did last year then I need to stay focused.
It isn't that I need to enter the shows....but it is important to produce new work.....and entering shows seems one way to get me to produce.

I have sold 2 very large paintings and I have 3 that would make a good income if they would sell.
I need to work on my newest series which is titled the Family Life.
I need to get a calendar together or program of some sort that would keep me up to date on shows.........

well, I need to do a lot of things and I seem to be spending time on the computer instead at the easel.....
TCB

What is of Interest......

First Day

Well here it is November the 1st and it is the 1st time I have posted to my blog.
How boring!

Well off to my first day-----ART--- is it something to be appreciated, made to match the sofa......or just something that the artists needs to express? Some would say that an artist would paint or work no matter what...but would they continue if no one was there to encourage or comment?

Is ART or paintings only created if someone else can enjoy? I think that most artists whether visual or creative need an audience.......

Would I be incorrect in thinking that a dancer needs to be watched --why dance.
A singer needs to be heard ---why sing......
an actor needs to be on a stage or there is no need to act---
and an artists needs to have his/her paintings to be seen and enjoyed---why else create?

Even God created something that needed to be shared..... as it because the creation itself wasn't enough....he needed people to enjoy what he made-----so it is with an artist. Create for others to enjoy. Not that I am comparing artists to God...but to the idea that paintings are creations.

Will I create, paint, sculpt, draw---only if someone else appreciates the work? Or will I create for myself and for the sheer pleasure of doing.........time will tell.

This may be too simplistic but it is a way of thinking that I intend to digest and to chew on like a dog with his bone.....I will continue to dig it up and taste it to make sure it is still there and is still mine......I will worry it until I no longer take interest and then will bury it for good to forget it was even a thought.

What difference does it make if I work for others or for myself. Is it wrong to be commerical.....aha...but that is another question.