painting once again.

Again I posted this title and then did not follow through.
It was a hard time in my life.
My nephew had died and my father was facing his battle with cancer once again.
Then my brother in law, the father of the child who died, also was facing a battle with cancer.

To top it off I lost an 2 Uncles and 2 Aunts and my best friend lost her father.
I was over the top most of the time and sadder than sad.

I moaned and groaned and couldn't find my way out of the pain.
I got lost in a very dim dark room of my mind and a lot of people felt like I just needed a quick kick in the pants, or as they said GOT IN MY FACE.

No that really doesn't work for me other than to get my defences up and makes me become angry. I don't like people who use put downs or mean remarks to move a person along.
I prefer people with a slow hand or a gently touch.
Who can say in easy tones "Pam, enough."
Who can say what it is that I need to hear.
Say it in a tone and temperament that leads me slowly through the darkness.
Then I can paint once again.

If they are shouting at me, like a child I want to hide for cover, or slide further under the bed to keep from being harmed.
I can only be coaxed out by the gentle tones of some one who cares.
Enough of this getting in someones face when they are down, it doesn't work for me.

Why is it more people are willing to yell at you then to gently sit down beside you and just put an arm around your shoulder and say..."I understand, but trust me it will be OK" while you hurt so much inside that you can't think at all.

I need the understanding so that I can paint.
I don't need put downs, shouting, or comments like just get over it.
Not at first maybe when I have moved on, then a discussion on getting over it would be enlightening.

All in all, I found my own way to painting once again.
Paint under a deadline. LOL


The bigger meaning of healing is a 'wholing,' a filling out of the missing pieces of a person's life.-Patricia Reiss