Jumping over the Hurdles.

Got to a point where I liked the abstracted background and figured it was time to tackle blocking in the figures. It is going slowly and I keep playing around with the positions.

The clients liked this particular image after sending them about 10 to select from. I made it clear that as I worked the actual image would probably have changes.
I guess my biggest fear is that I am not getting the passion from my original 4 pieces and that has now become my hurdle to jump. Here is the preliminary block in...I expect it will have multitude of changes. Hope it doesn't lose the grace or the passion that I am going for.....

Background Noise...

RealLife things have kept me from posting but not totally from working on the commission piece. The clients have decided on the colors as well as the image that they would like to include.

I am working on the back ground and despite a few problems...such as the canvas not tightening up, have been at least getting somewhere with the layers and colors.



you can probably see where the canvas kept hitting the support board, because the canvas was sagging, and that stopped the paint from flowing the length of the board. I restretched the canvas and hopefully will be able to correct that problem.



I worked on this a little more adding color and pattern to the area that broke the painting into top and bottom. I believe the pattern is now a little more cohesive.


I will put a wash over the final layer to reduce some of the patterns and next I will begin to add the figures that were selected..."Tango of Love".

Adding to my series.

I have this series of paintings that I did a little while back, one of the finished pieces in the series is shown here.
The title of the series was Dance of Love and this group of paintings was mixed among another series of dance paintings I did for a solo show at the Crescent Club Gallery. Recently this series was found once again on my internet web site and I have been commissioned to paint a new piece.

I have never met the couple who are purchasing the work and I am working with them on selections of color by email and by snail mail. I sent them cards with color swatches to select the dominate color for me to use on this work. It has been fun to figure out ways to include them in the previewing of the work without the hassle of them traveling here or me there.

This particular series was predominately an abstract background and then oil pastel figures drawn over the acrylics. I used my "Four Sides" of a painting type abstract work in this background and that involves dripping, splashing, layer upon layer of paint to get strong colors and a bit of depth without building up a heavy layer of paint. I enjoyed that series and am now enjoying working on it again.
Along with the color cards, I have produced several images that I will be sending to the buyers to view and allow them to select the one they would like for their original painting. The color they wish for the back ground is once again a red, I hope the new figures are as powerful as the first ones.

I posted a few of the new images here. These are rough works with lots of adjustments but hope you enjoy the process that they will be going through as I complete the painting. I have a dozen more images in the studio but I thought I would rather not overwhelm the clients or any readers here, so I picked out some of the images I felt were the strongest. Leave me a comment if you like, I always enjoy hearing other perspectives.




.

For just a moment.....

I have been so engrossed in my new commission piece that a lot of things have been left undone around here. One such item has been my email. When suddenly, you are called to task and need to take a preview of your to do "lists". This happened when I received a call this morning from a very personable young man who was interested in whether I had read his recent mail to me. I was honest and said NO....so he preceded to give me the information over the phone line.

I was pleased to hear that it was regarding the possibility of my taking advertisement in a magazine titled ARTSMEMPHIS.

I was thrilled to listen and even over joyed in the idea that I might be able to be a participate in a collaboration by art groups here in Memphis. I hope you understand the picture I am painting here, since the painting on my easel was glaring me in the face and reminding me that there was a deadline looming up.

Anyway, this delightful young man and I were inadvertently disconnected at the most vital part of our conversation...the bottom line. LOL

Not to be unrequited in this obvious opportunity I tracked the caller down and continued our conversation. He was very apologetic for the "dropped call" and we continued on with the information I was seeking. This young individual was less enthusiastic in my following up on what I perceived as my much needed information. I got the feeling that he felt like I was wasting his time, not that my time was of any consequence, but so be it. I wanted the information and I preceded to ask my necessary questions to get there.

Finally I let the young ardent marketing individual off the hook and told him...thanks for the MOMENT that you allowed me in the idea that I could be financial stable enough to afford a place in your 3 issues per year at the price of $5k.
LOL


So FOR JUST A MOMENT............

Finally

I am finally working again.
The commission piece is exactly what I need to be doing.
I have sent off color cards to the buyers and getting their input to the colors for the background abstract portion and now I am rendering sketches for the poses.

If you are not up to date on the commission....it is a new section to my DANCE OF LOVE series. These will be all red and earth toned colors with the same passionate poses of the figures.(note painting in earlier post from first series)

I have two new sketches and will probably do at least 3 to 4 new pieces to this series.

The first sketch is somewhat tamer than the first four, but as I go along they are acquiring the same sort of intensity of the first group. I appreciate the challenge in going back to a former series and adding to it and keeping the same degree of feeling I first captured. Well, I hope I am capturing the same degree of feeling. We will see.

Will post the sketches soon.

Time Flies.

Ok so I didn't make it back as promised. Is there a method or a system to being organized or are you born with that gene?

I am so slow....but I mean well

LOL...yes I am slow in posting on this thread and I need to be here at least once a week. Who knows maybe I will actually keep that commitment.

I do have good news......
I was just picked up by a gallery in Mississippi.
So even though I will be busier than ever, I need to stick to my commitments that I previously started and try to get back here and show what I am up to next.

Jewelry.....the rings have sold very well.
I took pictures with intent to post but all have sold, so now I need to craft new ones.

Clayworks. I have added a new item to my clayworks...it is called "Earth Tones"...will get new pictures up of those items as soon as I can.

I got a long distant commission on one of my favorite series. Dance of Love I will be working on that the next couple of weeks....
posting pictures of that series here.

Recently I was asked by the ORPHEUM to submit items with 25% commission going to them for my work that they sell.

I got notice today for a call to artists to submit work once again to the invitational that I entered last January, I am excited I sold 3 pieces at that show and I look forward to getting some new work in for that show.

I am still entering the various events that are hosted by the ARTHOUSE in Atlanta.
I have my five little canvases finished and will be sending them off this next week.
That show will be touring the United States like the Scrapbook #2 did in April.

So that is it for now...thanks for reading.

Another Direction

I recently became interested in designing and making jewelry.
I am now learning different methods of beading and wire twisting.
I am thinking about going further into the jewelry line and actually do some casting.
We will see....it isn't at if I didn't have enough on my plate at the time

Here is one of my rings. This is a crystal rivoli stone with sterling silver wire.

Giving Back-

Life swirls and flashes by so quickly that rarely do we have the chance to give back to those who helped you get to the point you are now. Thank You at the moment is fine, but to actually find a way to do more is rather exciting.

Life has handed me a couple of lemons lately and instead of sitting here on my duff I have thought about taking the time to recognize people who directly influenced me and who supported me during some lean hard years. People went on the ride with me just for the sake of being there. They took on a lot and gave me faith and support when I needed it.

I run a co-operative gallery and for several years the location that I maintained wasn't the best to have for the enterprise I was trying to run.

In those years a lot of artists came to me and we exhibited together through the "lean" times. They trusted my idea and wanted to be involved. They could not always stay too long in the gallery because in a co-operative overhead sometimes out weighed the commissions and sales before it became an additional hardship on them. Again location, traffic and capital to promote were not always available and that did make a difference to people and how long they might be willing to give their support.

I now am in a location that drives traffic to our door, we are experiencing some good sales even in this economic down turn for most of the country. I have thought about those who hung in there with me as long as they could, but never got to ride the upside of the co-operative.

I had this "light bulb moment" of how to share with the former members what is happening in the gallery now and I hope it will work out. I am going to invite each former member to have a chance to exhibit in our new home as a thank you for helping me get there.

I am still in the working stage of this idea, but feel that allowing one artist a month to come hang a few pieces of their work in the new space will be nice; not only for me, so that I can see what they are doing, but maybe a little bit for them too. I think they deserve that moment, it may take me years to get to all of them after running a cooperative for 11 years, but it certainly is worth the try. Some have moved on to better places and larger galleries and they probably will not return, but several I think would enjoy the experience of what they helped me do.

Think I will set a date to get this started and just get it done...I think it is very important to give back whenever you can, especially before you lose the opportunity.

Myth's about Vanity Galleries

There has been a bit of rumblings on the Internet art networks about Vanity Galleries. Lots of discussion. First would ask, what do you think of when you hear the title Vanity Gallery? does it come across as negative?

For most artists it does, but if you look pass that first title and look to the benefits, there is some justification for that sort of space.

Now I would ask how many types of galleries do you think there are?
Let's see if I can list them
Commercial Galleries
Cooperative Galleries
Exhibition Galleries
Vanity Galleries
Regional Galleries
Private Galleries
and Internet Galleries
most of the above list are explanatory.

Commercial Gallery would be the standard 50/40% commission gallery that usually deals with their set "stable" of artists. They are comfortable with the work they exhibit and know it's sales value.

Cooperative Galleries are galleries that have a collective of artists who have grouped together to pool their resources for a venue to exhibit their work. The availability of artists at hand to produce work or even commission pieces directly for clients. It has little or no commissions attached to the art work so the savings is passed on to the customer. Cooperative does handle the artists in a creative manner. It allows the artists to expand their thinking processes by helping them to balance some matters on the left side of the brain. If a cooperative gallery is in a well trafficked area, is managed and handled well, the benefits of artists running the show is doubled, everyone benefits- client and artist

Vanity Galleries and Exhibition Gallery are those that have a space with lights that may be rented by individuals for a fee to host their own shows. There is little or no input from the actual owner of the space. Their fees are directly related to the rent of the space and sometimes to a % of sales made during the event. If an artist wishes to be involved from top to bottom then this for them

I am sure the last two types of galleries are self explanatory.Private and Regional.

Though there is some negativity in calling a gallery "Vanity", there are benefits.

some responses from other artists on www.Painterkeys.com

Joyce Fournier, Or.
While some of these galleries do charge artists exorbitant fees to exhibit work that is of questionable quality, many such galleries would be best referred to as Exhibition Galleries, where artists who have work that is of a high calibre are invited to display their work within a specific theme. The Exhibition Gallery offers a great option to independent artists who are tired of waiting for their submissions to be accepted by traditional commercial galleries and would prefer to spend more time creating. Exhibition galleries also meet the needs of independent artists who may not enjoy doing the ART EXPO's at convention centres due to limited funds, excessive workload, etc

Joy Engleman
I am a curator at a commercial gallery as well as an artist with a long career spanning some 35 years or more. Vanity galleries do have a place in the system and are a great place for artists to showcase what they can do. We need more galleries, co-operative, vanity or commercial, regional and private, more galleries

Don Cadoret
I agree in that these galleries have a place. I would suggest though that we avoid the term "vanity" in the future and allow ourselves the honor of being involved in co-operative galleries where the marketing and potential profit is shared. If serious craft artists can do quite well in the co-operative model than why can't other artists succeed in the same environment? Of course they can! Like any business decision (of which there are many for artists), be wary of pitfalls and be willing to learn from mistakes. That's what makes Painter's Keys so valuable for all level of artists.

Silvia Forrest
I like to think about the changes in the business model we are living through as similar to what occurred in Europe when the Impressionists first organized their own show in response to the rigidity of the "Salon" system which then controlled who could and who could not exhibit and what works of art were considered acceptable.

Change is always unsettling but also unavoidable.

Those of you who are looking for venue's to show your work, heed these words and get out there any way you can.

Running as Fast as I can

Whew!!!!
My new ad came out this week.
I am excited and hope that the possibilities I perceived through getting my name out there will actually come to fruition.

It would be interesting to hear from others and their attempts on getting recognition and how it turned out for them. Sort of a networking of ideas and outcomes.

Well, guess now is just my turn to wait and see.

strangeness of planning

Last weekend I went over to Huntsville Al to participate in the Alabama Clay Conference. They had several topics that I seriously wanted to listen to.
The first was HOW TO CONNECT WITH URBAN ART PROJECTS....interconnections.
Architects, Designers, Sub Contracts and an Artist talked about how to get your work involved. It was a good meeting. I have submitted several times to Urban Art Projects and after listening to this symposium I will continue on, I am going in the right direction. More information about this in future blogs.

The second day I had to make a choice....
Photographing your art work
Web set up and design
Your Art as a Business.

Can you guess which one I selected?

Ah yes, the reason for my title strangeness of planning.
Of course I went to Art as a Business, this is the part which was the planning.
I did not realize that the entire presentation would be based on my very favorite author Alyson B.Stanfield,I found it was interesting to see the whole package in action.

I ordered the book about a year ago from Alyson "I Would Rather Be in the Studio"(you can find a link on www.pakcraig.com) and I have followed several of the helpful guidelines published there. The strangeness part was to be involved, seeing the reactions and actions of others in listening to the suggestions from the book that I have been reading; yes that part was fun.

The strangeness once again is I found I am all ready on track in solving my own problems and finding solutions. The best part of the weekend was the chance to find validation.

Right Brained?

Can a right brained individual really move over to the left side.
Being a business owner I know that I have to, no doubt about it, but it is a hard transition especially if you are wrapped in "blue".
Robt Genn of Painter's Keys talked about blue being a color that inspires creativity.
I guess I need to wear "black" when I wish to think numbers....I believe numbers in black is a good thing...at least that is much better than "red'.

So this week has been decision making points and counterpoints with the left side. I need to swing back soon, I like being right brained creative much more than left brained logical.

I have had trouble downloading my camera after taking pictures of the rings I have been making. I will work on that this evening. I do like making rings.

Two in a Row

I been very busy today at the gallery.
I brought in the new display case and set it up.
Put ceramic pieces on it and a new jewelry case and it looks good.
Now that I know this design is suitable I will be building more.
Makes the place look good, though there is more emphasis on jewelry and small items than the larger paintings right now.
I think it is a good shift at the moment, when the economy settles down the larger items I know will start moving again.
Took photos of the rings that I am putting into the gallery
Will post this evening.

Have 3 new artists who wish to sign up and join in.
Two are jewelry artists and the third is a painter.
I look forward to having them come in.

Changes

Laughing out Loud.
I see that my dedication to blogging is not a strong point.
Though I do believe that blogging is one of the newest communication ports.

So to keep with the theme of this year's political agenda of Changes....I too will be considering changes in all areas of my life.

I have all ready begun a few.
I have thousands of ideas running around in my brain and now it is time to start setting them into action.

I have taken action in my time management. Whoot...that is a surprise, me on schedule, now that is funny.
I have taken action in the gallery and have set up new schedules and new events and agendas. With the economic temperature, art is not necessarily a priority; so to keep all the artists happy and satisfied with sales, I will be putting new steps into place.
I am venturing out further in my own artistic realm, moving to a radius of 450 miles or further.(had a few pieces accepted in Atlanta, GA)
I have Incorporated a new media...jewelry...I am making rings with sterling silver and semi precious stones. Even in this economy who can resist a ring.
I set up an ad for my own work in national magazine.

So after tripping lightly through the tulips...I am off to make further changes.
My website along with the gallery website and even here on the blog pages, I will continue to update, move around, attract, delete anything and everything until people can really see the changes that are taking place.

So thanks for visiting...and staying faithful.
www.pakcraig.com
www.rivertowngallery.net

Back at it.

Well I have been busy doing this and that....mostly that...and haven't had a chance to blog lately. So will post a new pic of something that I was working on. this item is for the Memphis Orpheum Art Auction which is happening this weekend.

Yeah I know....a painting of a chair upon a chair......anyway...that is part of my being busy.

thanks for looking

sunsets

We stayed in Seaside for eight days. Every night another beautiful sunset. This painting does not do justice to what I saw. I will keep trying to capture the essence of that amazing sight and colors.


Sunset
6x6
acrylic on canvas
price sold
available for purchase on website or contact pakcraig@bellsouth.com

Inside the wave

I learned a lot about the gulf and the ocean this trip. I learned that the lovely flags flying on the beaches had meanings. Double red flags meant stay out of the water. Hey...looking at the waves, I could tell without flags that I didn't want to go in there. Each day brought something new to this trip. The water was high on the beaches and in fact there wasn't much beach available to stand on. I would walk down the stairs to the lowest platform level and watch the waves crash across the sand where we had been the previous day. I saw rip tides pull the sand right off the beaches and I saw the sand smooth out the next day as if nothing had happened. Nature is something to see in action.


Inside the Wave
6x6
acrylic on canvas
price sold
available for purchase on website or contact pakcraig@bellsouth.com

crashing waves

We stayed in an area called Seaside...charming area and the condo we were in was beautiful What wouldn't be beautiful when it is valued at 1mil....We had the second floor condo that went up three levels. We had to go down stairs to get out to the ground level and then down more stairs to get over the dunes and to the beach level. There were 20 steps to the ground level...and there were 52 steps to the beach level....it was good exercise...and a total of 72 steps...not bad....of course going back up after walking and playing in the sand and water...it felt like 200 steps. LOL.
I miss the steps...now that I am back home...or maybe I just miss the fresh air and the beautiful water from our balcony.

Crashing Waves
6x6
acrylic on canvas
price sold
available for purchase on website or contact pakcraig@bellsouth.com

beach sand

I had a wonderful trip to Florida this past week. It was during the passing of the hurricane IKE that landed in Galveston. I loved the area and had a really great time watching the waves. I did not have an opportunity to see the gulf waters turn to their true colors because of the churning sea. These colors are suppose to be crystal clear and beautiful and give the area it's name of Emerald Coast. I guess I will just have to go back when the water is smooth.LOL



Beach Sand
6x6
acrylic on canvas
price sold
available for purchase on website or contact pakcraig@bellsouth.com

Daily Painting

Whoa!!!!!!! I am feeling better and today's choice of shoe is a bit more sedate.I love this one...it took 40 minutes. Like the attitude...LOL
Sassy Feet #11 or Patent leather...
acrylic
12 x 12
canvas
available to purchase
$150
contact pakcraig@bellsouth.net


more views of shoes can be seen on webpage
http://www.pakcraig.com/REdHatsrideagain.html

Hey if you have sassy feet....would love to get email or picture of them. Just click contact and send them on over. Thanks

Daily Painting

jumping ahead by a few days. Sept 5th 2008

I kept the series of skyscapes going and posted them in the daily thread on wetcanvas.There are 3 more skyscapes posted on that thread.

This is the first shoe in a few months.
I picked some really contrasting colors and wonder if it is partly do to my having dental root canal work done on me that morning. OUCH!!!!!
I can't think of any other reason to select such vivid colors other than Pain made me do this...LOL

this is Sassy feet #10
12 x 12
acrylic
canvas
available for purchase
$150




other of the shoe series can be viewed at http://www.pakcraig.com/REdHatsrideagain.html

Daily Painting

Seems I am enjoying the stretch every morning...awakens my energy and my passion for painting.

Going to do a small series with skies

Tuesday Sept 2ND

Afternoon Skies
6x6
acrylic
canvas
10 minutes




available
$45
contact pakcraig@bellsouth.net

update on the new gallery space. It has been fantastic. If ever in Memphis I hope you drop by.

Working Again

Well I have adjusted to my new way of looking at things. A lot of it is like looking through a veil of organdy, but I am getting use to it.

I decided to try some small pieces every day to warm up for larger works.
Sometimes when I have been away from painting for awhile it takes me a couple of moments to find the grove. I need to have less down time and more painting time so these little studies get me going.

So working quickly and on small canvases allows me;well, I guess stretch a bit before tackling the major exercise.

so here is my first stretch...lifting brush..poised to dip and flow...lol
Monday Sept 1

Morning Skies
6x6
acrylic
canvas




if interested in purchasing one of the daily works please contact me through email pakcraig@bellsouth.net
price: $45

Losing Sight

It's finished.
They loved it...all of it....not just the painting but even my story about how I found focus and the title for the piece. I got to see it hanging in their home and it was fantastic to see a piece from beginning to the end.

All my worry was for naught over being able to complete a satisfying piece. I learned one way to get to the finish line was for me to please myself. If I was pleased, then I was certain they would be pleased as well. So worry and agony over decisions should never have been in the equation, then of course I found something else to worry about.

I lost the sight in my left eye.

It happened while painting the commission piece.
A couple of weeks earlier I had noticed some strange stuff going on in my right eye. I thought it was because of the intense sunlight outside and my possibly being effected by the sun that day. The black streaks that ran through my eye at that time eventually faded but not completely. During this time I also seemed to be having my very own lightening storm in my eye. I could see flashing lights whenever I was walking in the dark. I thought wow...wonder what's going on. I kept my right eye covered whenever I went outside and things seemed to be clearing up. Then wham.....while painting on the commission piece there was a bright halo and then blackness in my left eye.

Scared the you know what out of me. I went immediately to the family doctor and though my bp was high at the time (mainly because I was so scared) the doctor didn't think it was high enough to be the cause of the problem. I had a referral to an opthomologist for later that day. I sat for 3 hours for the opthomolgist to work me in his schedule, I probably would have sat all day, I needed to know what was happening.

Ok, I will tell you having your eyes dilated is not a fun deal, and at some points I thought the doctor had climbed inside my eye to see better, it hurt so much. It seems the vitreous gel in my eyes is shrinking and as it shrinks, it pulls away from the retina. This causes little cells to pop off and float in the gel, sometimes the pull is so severe that it tears the retina. The black lines and streaks are blood vessels that have popped; and the white lights and ligthening I am speaking of, is the actual moment that the gel pulls away. I could go blind. How about that....all my life I have said I could stand anything as long as I could keep my hands and my eyes.

I am adjusting to the situation, and learning to look past the junk in my right eye and hopefully find that the left eye will gradually gain its vision again. Not much hope for this; but, why not think positive.
I have been told to take it easy...lol.
I have been told to rest. Yeah.
I have been told absolutely no jarring head bumps. HUH!
and I have been told not to pick anything up. OH MY .

What causes this....lol...the opthomologist says OLD AGE....I say "but I haven't gotten there yet". JEEZ LOUISE.

Trying to meet expectations.

I need some honest feedback on an abstract work and find everyone I usually turn too is busy today.I have a commission to paint. Commissions come and go,some are easy and some are very hard,
either way trying to meet their expectations throws me off kilter.

In our first meeting I showed the couple a few of my abstracts and among those pictures they saw something they liked and they asked me to do something for them that is similar. I talked with them more so that I could get an overall picture of their particular interests and found one word that kept coming back to me when I thought of the couple. Opposites attract but there is BALANCE.

They both like color and lots of it.
She likes circles and smoothness with drama.
He likes architectural lines and subtleties.
He is strong and shows strength with a gentle kindness underneath.
She is soft and kind with a determination underneath that shows leadership.

Right now I am lost in the transition of finding a way to express what I think they are wanting. Does the painting lean to far to fit only one personality? Is it too round, does it have too many harsh lines. Are the colors bright enough.....mostly does it say anything to anyone about balance?

So blending these thoughts brought me to another crux, how do I bring these ideas into a painting and please both? I thought I would add subtle Remarque’s to the work with their initials intertwined so that this abstract becomes distinctively theirs without it being right in your face that the initials are there. Is that a bit too cute to work?

Letting it go

BALANCE an abstract painting I am working on for a commission. Interesting title, maybe as I work on this; I too will learn balance.


Don't you just have to laugh over the idea that things change but still stay the same.
My last post I talked about learning a new way to cope with various conflicts that arise in my life.

Well, I haven't learned anything new, I still bury bones and still dig them up to renew the interest in the problem. I can't seem to let it go. I cannot tell you the number of people who tell me to move on. To let it go, but no one seems to know how to actually do that. Saying "let it go" is so easy. My mind says it over and over "Let it Go", but there it is, like a shadow or a ghost waiting to remind you that things aren't so perfect. Is the letting go part of actually dealing with the conflict? once you dealt with it will it go away naturally? Is hanging on or digging the bones up part of not really resolving the conflict. Oh me....I feel a headache coming on. Maybe I am just trying too hard.

Having the gallery I realize I will always run into problems outside of the norm. I realize that as artists we are not necessarily business people and mistakes happen. It is somewhat of a challenge correcting the various things that I encounter with the "artist staff" and it keeps me hopping. I do have excellent support from most of the artists and with each step we all learn from the various things that happen. Sometime in the future, maybe we will even be able to look back and laugh.

But there are other changes that come in running a gallery or in life in general and these are not as easily fixed. Conflicts on a personal level seem to be the ones that do me in. These are the ones that keep taking on a life form in my head and end up with me taking way too much time dwelling over them. Head talk. Confidence lost. These are the times my energy level is depleted and trying to "paint" them out sometimes ends up with some really lousy paintings. Let it go, yeah right...would someone please explain in detail how to go about doing that. If I knew the answer I would share with you. LOL.................

It's Been awhile but here I am again

Looking back over the last 3 months, I see that blogging wasn't one of my main interest, I seem to get bogged down with the small things and between Thanksgiving and Christmas things changed tremendously.

The gallery I own and run moved location. The space is now on Main Street in downtown Memphis.I didn't get much notice that we needed to move and it took us a little while to actually begin the move; but when we finished, the results have been really worth the time and effort. Actually the move isn't totally finished I still have organizing to do in our drastically reduced storage area. But surprisingly all things were done in rapid time, the major part of the move was completed within one week. It involved painting the walls, building a small storage space, scrubbing the wood floors, moving the equipment and then finally getting the art moved and sorted. Nothing was broken and nothing was lost, so I feel really good about this.

The first two weeks after the move were right before Christmas, so the push was hard to get everything done and still think about the holidays. I had been ill around Thanksgiving and barely got better before the move began and I kept getting sick off and on while so much needed to be done. Now Christmas was coming and no decorations were up around the house and I am a big decorator, I love the color and little items that I have collected through the years; and of course with everything else there was no gift buying as yet and no time left; so pushing again to get that done with only two days before company arrives.

We made it, and company came but as luck would have it or possibly the unluckiest part, our company became ill with a stomach virus. So I had a bit of down time and rest time until after a couple of days had past and finally we were able to celebrate Christmas with everyone feeling up to being sociable.
Then no sooner did one set of company leave more company came in right before New Years and instead of resting and getting my own health back, we kept on going. When I should have been resting and trying to figure out where I was and how was I, instead of resting we decided to go on a short trip and then finally back home and back to running as fast as I could. To say the least I am tired

My plans for this year are to try and quit pushing myself. To take time to enjoy things around me. The last few months I was up and down in my emotions along with my health, and even saw changes in my sleeping patterns. It was becoming difficult to deal with the real and or even with some things that might have been imagined. So I am taking the time to just be, and learn more about who I am and what I can do, without being crazy; this is the major part of this year's agenda. I am not going to schedule any major shows this year, but have decided to enter competitions and submit for projects.

I am going to try and be a little more reflective this year as well and figure out where all the conflict comes from. I have learned that even when people tell me to let it go; that letting go is very hard thing for me to do, and I feel that I really need to learn from my mistakes and I need to take a few minutes to understand what brought on the conflict. I hope to be dropping some distractions so that I can try to get more organized and have less pressure on me all the time. I am always running full tilt and need to slow down. I need to see where I am instead of where I am going or where I have been. In other words, I need to take it easy.

The reflective part: I think I once posted that I am like a dog with an old bone when it comes to worry. I bury it...but soon dig it up again, examine it, sniff it, and chew on it for a bit to see if there is anything left of the taste of it. When I am satisfied I bury it again and sometimes if I am lucky it stays buried. I hope I learn from these exercises in "bone burying",but usually it is just revisiting the whole problem with nothing really solved. Again, like they say I need to let it go.

Maybe it would be better to not dig up these bones, but I don't think I can stop myself, as I think about my life and my coping skills, I realize there may be some truth to the saying " can't teach old dogs new tricks"......some day...maybe someday I will learn a new way.

the kids together

This painting is still in progress...it is a 2 year old painting that I am reworking.

This painting has gone through several transformations. It was painted for a show in 2005 and since it was of my grandsons...it came home and went up on my family room wall.
In the time that has past since this painting was completed...the arm over the shoulder was reduced to just a hand on the shoulder.
Then later on a new baby was born into this family a little girl, Katelyn.
As she grew....she was kept by her Nane' and Da while the rest of the family were at work or in school
This little princess would stand on the couch and look at this painting and as she she got older would name her brothersand point and tap them.
Later as she grew and could convey more information about her wants and needs, Katelyn would often ask to be picked up..."p"ease me in painting. "

This being funny we each would take turns holding her up next to the painting over the sofa and she would giggle about being in the painting with her brothers.

I finally got the hint...and removed the painting from the wall and took it to the studio upstairs.
Katelyn came in the day after I had removed the painting and first thing she noticed was the painting was not on the wall.

Where is it Nane' she demanded in her wee voice....lol
I said "upstairs...would you like to see it. "
"Yes" she replied.

And we went upstairs together.
At the doorway to the studio...Katelyn stopped and squealed at the top of her lungs....dancing in place she clapped and clapped and giggled.
"IT'S ME"
"IT"S ME Nane' in the painting with Robby and Conner...."

No greater joy for my painting attempts has ever been received as in this painting that meant so much to one so small.

is this for real?

troubled waters

Sagittarius Horoscope (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Although restrictions may be placed upon you now, there is more going on than meets the eye. A difficult situation can suddenly transform into a very positive experience, but this will only happen if you are able to relinquish your control. Instead of worrying about the outcome, put your attention on the present moment. Paradoxically, things will improve when you move beyond judging what's happening as good or bad.


ok...so does everyone else's horoscope hit them head on to the moment?
this is my situation in a nutshell.....

Loss

So I lost my main computer during a storm last night.

My heart is heavy from the loss.

All my files that were on the desktop that I hadn't put into storage.
All the works in progress and the photos of my new work.
The digital photo's that I downloaded into folders with the intent to arrange and store for later references.

I feel as if my house has burned down and that nothing of my life is retrievable
I also feel that this is silly.....there are people out there that really have lost so much more than a computer main frame.

Then that very thought makes me feel more loss.
I am now left with the laptop.
There is no security for me in something that is portable.
That in itself means it has no permanence.

Creative Intelligence?

Esoterica: Creative intelligence also involves the simultaneous use of mind and spirit. Whether mind before spirit or spirit before mind, retrofitting and deconstructing spirit is the habit of our age. Perhaps the evolved CI guy is best at thinking it out first, then making the leap of faith, then covering tracks. "I throw a spear into the darkness. That is intuition. Then I must send an army into the darkness to find the spear. That is intellect."

This is a quote from the latest Robert Genn newsletter.

I realize there are two main kinds of artists. Those who think it's all
about technique, methodology and process, and those who think
all you have to do is "wing it." The latter, sort of like
skydivers without benefit of parachutes, are all over the place
these days. Attitudes of "anything goes," "anybody can do it,"
and "I can do what I want as long as it has 'heart'" prevail.
While I'm a first-line advocate for intuition, just to make
things difficult I have to tell you there's something else we
need to think about. It's called "Creative Intelligence."

CI do I have it?
From his discription of what it means and how it affects an artist I actually believe I do.

I jump off regularly and let fly but always with my parachute, because I expect to land if nothing else. I think it through, work it out, prepare, then jump.
This process Robert Genn titled CI I thought every artist possessed. I didn't think of myself as being any different from any other struggling artist.
Lately, I have been flying non stop, starting and stopping to reflect only when my parachute seemed to get tangled.
The entanglement, at least in my case; are the moments when the peer approval, admiration or whatever you personally wish to call it, gets bogged down. The group I like to attend and where I find my own awareness doesn't liked to be pushed out of the plane to jump. I seem to be a pusher. I wish to have everyone fly. I guess it is time to back off, reflect on my own self and let everyone else fly at their own pace. So in some cases the CI individual needs his/her own awareness to keep on flying, especially when the peers are not around to pack their parachute.

Deadlines

Sometimes you have to wonder what is going on... especially when everything goes wrong and as hard as you try....you miss a deadline.

Rules are rules and no exceptions are made, I understand this and know that if you don't make the deadline there is no one to fault except yourself.

I seem to feel the need to push the envelope and make deadlines at the 9th hour but sometimes, there are other circumstances that need to be figured in.

I could post my work with the others, several asked me too. I thought that there was some understanding that I might need an extra day because of travel time and the forced use of a library computer....LOL... but it just didn't happen, the understanding it seems LOL.

It's ok, but since there was an insistance on everyone not showing their work until the actual posting and I missed the posting date, I can only assume there is a rule that prohibits one from posting after the fact.

Again it's ok....it just means I can't post with the group, it doesn't mean I can't post the work.
So I did.

It was a bit of a stretch for me because it has been a very long time since I have done landscapes. But I was bored on this last trip and thought why not give it a try and see what you can do. I started the painting on Thursday evening. I didn't have much time to work on it since I really was suppose to be visiting family, but what the hey, if they were reading a book or watching the news, then I felt I had time to paint.....anyway, to make this short story long I finished it on Saturday but no computer to post....and all the places I had dashed off too for connections were closed on Sunday and then Monday I was traveling back home...10 hours straight driving in the rain, up hill both ways, with a headwind that pushed me back 1 mile for every 2 I was driving.......LOL...well, it felt like it.

So once I got home I made a mad dash up the stairs to my home computer....checking to see if there was time had they posted all ready, they had posted on Sunday I think.....so; oh well....that's the breaks.

I am thankful that I had an idea to paint.
It really doesn't matter if it made it into the posting, I painted and that should be enough.

I rushed this to make the deadline...lol...so will probably work the clouds a little more to make it gel.

at a crossroad

I don't know for sure if every artists comes to a place in the road where they stop look and wonder.
Which way do I travel now?

I recently got to that place myself.
I find what I am doing is not what I want to do.
I liked the work while I was creating it but once over and complete, I wondered why I am doing that.

So I am at a crossroads and I wonder which road to select and what direction I will go next.

Part of creating is the journey, so I hope this one is as interesting as the others.

I think I will go left this time.

Dishing it out can you take it?

When is it the time to tell it like it is and when do you keep it inside you and your mouth shut?

Critiques of artist's work giving or taking is such a fine line to walk.
Sometimes it is damn if you do and damned if you don't.
I have heard it all when people view my work, and a lot of it has not been to it's praise.
To keep from flipping out over any negativity, I try to take the artists work into account, weigh their remarks to me, then base my opinion of their remarks to what I think of their work. If their work is not something I admire or think challenging then I do not feel challenged.

I also think that sometimes depending on your relationship with another artist and what that relationship means, should also be taken into consideration to their comments. After all if they don't like you as a person...what could they possibly like in your work and vice versa, can they really be honest if they are thinking more on the relationship then on the work.
So dishing it out and taking it depends I guess, or at least for me, in how it was given and what can I learn from it.

Now to dishing it out.
There is a saying around here...
Don't ask Pam unless you are prepared to hear it all.
No, I am not always critical, but I don't mince words when there is something I think I see that doesn't work in a painting.
Nor do I mince words when I find something to praise.
When it is good I am one of the first to speak up and clap you on the back.
I try to give support and encouragement.
I think that a good fair critique of the work can be balanced, and the artist is opened to the thoughts of another; they can possibly find a new way to look at their work.

Because of my background a lot of people come to me and they know I really will be honest.
I know they don't like sweet remarks like..
NICE WORK,
GREAT START,
OOOOOHHHH!!!!!
and that is all that is said.
No grounds or support to what they say, just being non committal is what I call it.
But the artist who asked for a critique or what you think is usually looking or searching for something more the platitudes.

But, should it be told to them, if you think the remarks will make them feel badly about their work?
or should it be told when after all it is only your opinion?
or should you just give them what they expect, easy praise;
because you value their friendship and being honest could jeopardize the relationship?
Haven't resolved this as yet.
But the other thing I know about me is I don't know when to shut up.

Focus

It takes as much stress to be a success as it does to be a failure.
--Emilio James Trujillo


Focus..what is it?

I talk frequently about my need to focus.
Maybe it would help me to understand exactly what I mean when I say this.

Focus to look closely at.
Maybe.

Focus to keep a narrow view and avoid distractions
Closer

Focus to see the steps needed to get where I am going.
OK that's it.


I need to focus and quit looking around trying to see, say, and do too much.
I need to look at the steps I need to get where I am going.

LOL..just image if you were blind folded and trying to navigate steps or a building you have never been in before. You would go cautiously and tentatively making sure you don't hurt yourself as you navigate the unknown.

So why...when I am sighted....would I not take the same precautions and go cautiously and tentatively in unknown territory. Why would I want to run head long into a wall, or off the top step. Why don't I make plans and follow paths that have been made before. Maybe because it may seem to me to be too boring, or possibly I have this need to fly by the seat of my pants. I really don't have that answer and I do seem to do it regularly....so that is why I am always saying.

I need to focus.
Maybe it would be easier to say.
I need to slow down.

Too funny.

What is enough?

Undoubtedly, the catalyst behind many successes in the world is a need to prove something because one feels inadequate, but the best path, the path that satisfies the soul, is one of completeness at every step of the way. Taking this path makes living a joy, because it doesn't postpone that feeling of being enough. Being enough is not something we achieve. It's something we are. -David J Walker

Looking over my words and after reading the above quote, I realized that yes my path in this world has been lead by my own inadequate feelings. My personal impressions that I often was made to feel less then good enough.
Less than a painter and more of a hobbyist.
Less of a wife and more of a caretaker.
Less of a mother and more of a disciplinarian.
I never found along my path the joy of being.

Being satisfied.
Being enough.

I recognize that my focus is more on negativity and many friends have the courage to even suggest I focus on paranoia. I, myself, don't think it is that bad; but occasionally I notice my choices are closer to downers and my ability to listen or only hear negatives is rather unamusing.

So if I read the above quote again...I ask what is enough and how do you achieve it.

In painting it is easy. You come to a place where the canvas will not take any more paint. Your brain takes over and looks and says enough. You get tired of trying to improve or redo so you simply say enough. Again this connotation of enough seems to be negative. When or where is it that enough is just that enough?

Enough in who we are at the moment.
Enough as in satisfaction of things the way they are.
Enough just simply to be happy.

Most of us probably don't listen to the inner voice that says, "You're enough because you exist." We ignore it because being enough doesn't fit the image we have of ourselves. We have spent so much time thinking of ourselves as not being enough that enough-ness seems very far away.

So, to correct my own being and feelings, I probably need to correct my own faulty self-image. I think mainly because the natural tendency of my mind is to surround itself with whatever it has embodied. so if I embody fear and doubt, I will surround myself, to one degree or another, with people and circumstances that reflect fear and doubt. If, however, I embody belief and trust in myself, I will surround myself with people and circumstances that reflect belief and trust.

I have talked about moving on, moving away from people who thought little of me, but who I thought were so willing to use me. Now, I realize these very people where only the reflection of my own negativity and at least they recognized I could get things done, though I wasn't aware of that myself. I now realize that it was my own embodiment of inadequacies that made me want to be a people pleaser without pleasing myself. These people weren't making me feel inadequate--- I was doing it to myself.

I continue to reflect back on the many times I was not able to accept my own completeness, and I notice that after each step of achievement I did not spend the time looking positively at what I had done; but I hurriedly moved on to the next task, the next duty, the next job, the next moment of trying to be adequate, and I realize after each time when it should have been enough I actually was becoming more and more empty.

I do not want to travel this world any longer missing out the things that were good.
The things that should have made me happy.
The things that should have impressed even me in all my negativity.
I want to find that state of being, that existence of being enough.

I hope that I am learning.
That I am getting closer to what I seek.
Awareness is the key to change and
I think I am beginning to realize what enough is.

I exist therefore I am.
Yeah.........that is enough

To sell or not to sell.....that is the question

I sold a very large painting this past month....what a thrill.
I even met the purchaser it was nice. It was a very large abstracted landscape titled Peaceful Garden.

They bought this painting on the insistence of their interior decorator.
Well, it sold...even if it was because it helped mask the large brick wall.
Laughing as I go to the bank.
I have been told a lot of things about why my work sells...
I think the best one was "because it was yellow".

I sold another one this weekend. Well, rather the gallery sold it.
I am an Innocent by stander to the whole marketing process.
I just paint..take it in...let them hang...and then I wait.
I have my own gallery where I am more involved but I hate being on the analytical side of my brain...much prefer the creative side.

Anyway, the first painting that sold was one that was left over from the A2H show...it was nice to see this one go. I hated the idea of maybe having to take it down and find a place to store it. It was 6 ft by 8 ft....so selling it made things a little easier.

The second one that sold was the first to sell from the coffee series that I painted for a solo show back in Dec 2006. I love that series but worried since nothing had sold even from the show. I sold abstracts and clay art at that show..but none of the coffee series.

I wanted to tell a friend about it....because he said it was some of my best work. I had almost given up and thought about painting over them, but I always need to be patient. I appreciate his telling me to keep working, sometimes a friend can see things you can not.

Anyway...to sell or not to sell, that is the question.
Do we as artist paint to sell?
I paint for shows. The ultimate reason for having shows is the expectation to sell, so does that mean I am painting to sell?

Lament

Lament

I sit and wonder about the things that happen around me.
I don't always understand.
I cry
I feel badly.
Possibly because I am too sensitive
But maybe it is just time to move on.

I just don't belong there...and it can't be any more obvious then it is right now.

Giving Up.

esoteric: I wonder what makes people give up their dreams. I think I know, but just didn't listen.

I know that recently I was in a deep discussion with several on line friends about discouraging or encouraging artist to continue in their attempts to paint or be creative by what is said in a critique of their work. Several comments were made about people who viewed artists work and the only reply would be NICE...or GREAT START....and how these simple comments were so discouraging.

Others asked me what do you say when you are asked to critique someones work....I thought about it and immediately said "I try to find something in the work that I like and compliment them on that point." I told the group I did not like to discourage anyone in their attempt to paint. That each person has their own special story to tell whether it is with pen, pencil or brushes. That what they are expressing is as valuable to the world as any professional artist work can be. What I viewed to be good or bad was simply just one persons opinion.

Some said wouldn't it be better to discourage them early on, and suggest they find another creative outlet, or to take up some type of sport, or just put the brush down. The hairs on the nape of my neck bristled at those comments and I then asked more questions about their views on art in today's world. Why would they want to discourage someone from expressing themselves.

Once the discussion ended and we all moved on to our usual pleasantries...I realized I was still unsettled by the comments of discouraging artists.

Today I finally figured out why.....if I had listened to all the people who wanted to discourage me, I would be nothing more than a housewife, and I knew I was meant to be more.

I thought back through the years and realized at a very early age I was told "don't draw that" "why did you do that color" and my favorite in the third grade...."We will not hang your picture young lady for parents night....skies cannot be painted gold." Even when I tried to explain gold was my mother's favorite color...and not to my defense...Mother told me.."you should have just painted it blue like everyone else..why do you have to be so difficult"

As I grew and continued to paint gold skies...my next encounter was with high school art. My teacher told me "You are a jack of all trades and master of none...you will not be anything in the art world." OK..just please give me a grade I can live with and let me graduate.

In college I did not excel at my art nor did the college professors encourage me though I did watch and listen to the ones they did encourage. I wondered what is the difference? Why do I feel so alone? What is wrong with my work?

I finally switched over to welding and sculpture because I did find one teacher who thought I had some great thoughts and of course as a young person I would want to be in the field with someone who was encouraging them. Only later did I find out that if he couldn't get more students to take his class he was going to lose his tenure.

As an adult I continued on my quest to find a way to express myself and moved into painting. I took workshops and joined a painting group with a leader. The leader would ridicule me in front of the class for various things that I wasn't even doing. I finally realized I didn't need that in my life and went to speak to her quietly and tell her I wasn't going to continue. In a loud voice she told me IF YOU QUIT THIS GROUP YOU WILL NOT AMOUNT TO MUCH!!!!! YOU NEED ME......I needed her like I need hot water poured over me just for fun.

Okay, so this sounds rather silly.
But the point being...and there is a point in my ramblings.
If I had listen to these people and my peers as I worked on my paintings and art work.
I should have given up.
I should have realized a long time ago that I was suppose to find another creative outlet.
I didn't.
I kept my dream.
I worked my work and despite everything that was said...here I am and I am okay.

So to those out there who face multitude of odds or discouragement...
I say this DON'T GIVE UP.

P.S. it still hurts to hear the negative comments, but you will build your own defenses to get you through.

In the groove.

I have been painting for a new show which is in October.
It was requested of me to present new work in the Red Hat Genre.
I haven't done the Red Hat ladies in ages.
I prefer more color now and like my Sassy women better.
Ladies with class or attitudes are who I consider Sassy.

This time I started with the Sassy ladies first to get myself motivated.
Then moved into the other series. Though I am not as happy as I wish to be with the painting...it brought me joy painting it and thinking about the individuals that I thought of as I struck poses for each. It got me going in other words.

Oh Man, I struggled when I moved on to the Red Hat ladies.
I liked the poses and I did capture the sheerness of the clothing once again, but the faces..
YUCK and the hair...
the hair looked like spaghetti instead of tresses and the faces looked like gnomes instead of ladies. Then there is the hat...that too...someone thought one of them was an apple. Oh my...not what I expected, so more work to save those works.
I posted the works anyway, mainly because when I post them I can see them outside of my mind's eye. That is when I confirmed how much more work they needed.

When I talk about the "mind's eye", I assume that everyone knows that it is the eye that you think you are painting with.
The inner eye that guides the hand.
But the trouble with that "eye" is you don't always see what you are actually painting, but what you think you are painting.
So posting the work online as a WIP helps to keep me honest.
But honestly, I see that what I posted recently aren't either/or.
Meaning...they aren't what my mind sees nor are they paintings that I wish to see.

I understand that painting good works is directly attributed to the amount of time I spend painting everyday. The less I paint the harder it is for the paintings to flow. It becomes a struggle to get back into the groove. The"groove" appears, when the brush, the paint, the canvas become one. Where it is easy and you just keep moving forward painting, after painting, after painting.

Well , at last I got there, I think.
The last painting I posted is there.....in the groove.
It was the easiest of the bunch and the most enjoyable.
It took the shortest amount of time and yet seems to have the most impact.
I look forward to the next one, instead of moving on just to get away from one that isn't flowing. When you are in the groove painting is enjoyable and exciting and less like work. LOL


Unfortunately, I have to quit painting for a couple of days...and that makes me uneasy, since I just found the groove again.
Company coming and I need to tend to household things.
Wish I had a maid......lol
I am thinking I might just sneak up the stairs to the studio after the company goes to bed.
I tend to get my best thoughts at night anyway, so this should be easy and not even noticed by the company.

I certainly do not wish to spend another two or three paintings trying to find the groove again.

OMG!!!!!!

Oh my gosh.......
I have missed placed my art book.
My right arm.
My life line........

I have been sketching my new series in this little sketch book and have carried it every where for the last 6 months.
I jot down notes, plans, pull out photo's, and even do a little sketching.
I live, breathe and eat with this little book at my elbow.
Heaven forbid if I get hit with inspiration and cannot write it down.

But now...

When I need it the most. It can not be found anywhere.
I am in a panic.
I am lost.
Where and what do I do now.

Do I start over?
Do I begin again?

Oh heavens I hope not.
Time will not allow that, deadlines need to be met.
It must be around somewhere.
Under the stairs.
Under the couch.
Maybe in the bed.
In the car.
Oh where could I have put it.
I am sure I placed it somewhere that was meant to keep it safe.
I am thinking about removing the carpeting to see if it slid under that somehow. LOL

So are you as attached to your gadgets and paraphernalia as I am?
Are you as dependent upon your little cheat sheets?

It took me two days to find my book.
I cannot believe that it was right in front of me the whole time.
I think the panic and fear I felt over losing all that work; kept me in such a state, where I couldn't see it clearly on the table in the studio, with a couple of magazines that were placed there to continue to inspire me.

Maybe it is time to clean the studio?

Champions

Do you ever look for a champion?

I find that sometimes I feel like it is me against the world.
I look for someone to side with me...even when I may be wrong.
I look for someone who will gently put their hand on my shoulder and take part of the burden away....so that I can think clearly.

It would be hard for anyone to measure up to my expectations, and I am aware of that, but it does come in the strangest of ways. Then tension and over extension of passions draw back and space is provided to think.

My champions are few and far between. I think it is because I exude this strong exterior that really is my own protective armour, so the champions I might expect to stand with me usually
can be found standing back and just watching.

Recently because of strange Internet miscommunication of the typed word, things can take on a very different connotation then intended. Once this takes hold....it is like a rolling stone gaining momentum down the hill. Nothing brakes or halts such an onslaught and you wonder WHAT HAPPENED.

As you defend yourself it seems to take on a mind of it's own and more and more people become involved taking sides, choosing opponents, adding fuel to the fire.

When the dust settles you wonder if anything will be the same again. I know when there are those who take a stand to support you and understand you, and even take the time in their supportive way to help you get over the hurt and pain of the conflict. Then yes, you can go back and start again with knowledge that someone there really does understand.

For this moment, I want to make sure that I take time to say thank you SIR KNIGHT......you are my champion and you are a gentle soul.

Here I am

Here I am
Well, here I am once again. Not a good feeling to see that I keep attempting to change....LOL
I still don't post much here but think it is partly because I couldn't figure out how.

I reread my other posts and see that I started two and never actually posted anything other than a title. Figures, I am not really good about following up on things I have started. I keep trying...but well......like they say...can't teach and old dog a new trick and right now I really feel old.

I reread the one about my nephew's death and realize how sad I was after that.It was nearly a full year before I really painted freely again. A very good friend who IM'd me at night would try to convince me to go at it again. He did everything he could think of to get me going. It meant alot to me that anyone would really care enough about my work...or my feelings to try to help me get through my depression. I am usually the strong one around here and lock up my feelings and just plug along. This time I was lost and couldn't get out of the mire and do not think I would have pulled out except for his constant pushing.

The gallery where I show....put me in two shows to get me motivated. I painted for the shows, then was back at just staring at things. They were worried that I might not paint any more. They tried hard to give me things to look forward too. Mimi was concerned and kept pushing too. I am sorry Mimi has left that gallery.

I realize now that I never really look at things in a positive light, I always wait for the other shoe to drop. I usually look at criticism or the negativity and only accept the good at a glance and keep on moving. Maybe I only glance so that I am not a standing target. I didn't appreciate what the gallery and my friend tried to do for me. I was too involved with being sad. I am glad I am over that and wonder if I should tell them thanks or just let it lie.Once again it is a glancing thought and I move on......

Things have really been interesting for me since the first of this year.but I always start off that way and probably at best...things are only normal and I wish them to be interesting. I have had several shows and have made some strides in advancing my art and getting it out there. But I seem to be taking one step back for each step forward. I can't seem to stop sabotaging myself. Wonder why? Is it my inherant ability to only look at the negative?

I once put in a artist statement that I wonder what type of mark I will leave here on earth. I think I know---- CHAOS

I just recently received a notice from friends in a chat room that I supposedly am part of a grass roots movement in 20th century art titled SOUTHERN EXPRESSIONS.....you know, even I have to say that is pretty dog gone amazing.

I was given the opportunity to have this link posted within a group of my peers and friends. It too was guite amazing to receive the cudo's from so many. I don't know how to take compliments, I become uneasy and wish the attention can be directed somewhere else.

Then of course the negativity set in, the attention made me more aware of all the possibilities of being judged, not only for my art but for who I am. See, here I go again...not reveling in the congratualtions but looking for the other shoe to drop once again.

You see I didn't feel I deserved this remarkable achievement. I didn't even know there was a movement. I just painted what I wanted to paint and often found that what I was doing wasn't actually fitting the art scene where I lived. I am usually outside the norm. I don't listen to the same drummer. I don't paint florals or landscapes. I sometimes found my work hung on a back wall when I exhibited with groups because my work did not "flow with the show". I was just grateful that it got hung.

So now here I am with this achievement and wonder how it happened.

Some have told me to quit looking and just be proud.I am proud, but what they don't know is it doesn't have anything to do with the achievement, but everything to do with their caring about me.

painting once again.

Again I posted this title and then did not follow through.
It was a hard time in my life.
My nephew had died and my father was facing his battle with cancer once again.
Then my brother in law, the father of the child who died, also was facing a battle with cancer.

To top it off I lost an 2 Uncles and 2 Aunts and my best friend lost her father.
I was over the top most of the time and sadder than sad.

I moaned and groaned and couldn't find my way out of the pain.
I got lost in a very dim dark room of my mind and a lot of people felt like I just needed a quick kick in the pants, or as they said GOT IN MY FACE.

No that really doesn't work for me other than to get my defences up and makes me become angry. I don't like people who use put downs or mean remarks to move a person along.
I prefer people with a slow hand or a gently touch.
Who can say in easy tones "Pam, enough."
Who can say what it is that I need to hear.
Say it in a tone and temperament that leads me slowly through the darkness.
Then I can paint once again.

If they are shouting at me, like a child I want to hide for cover, or slide further under the bed to keep from being harmed.
I can only be coaxed out by the gentle tones of some one who cares.
Enough of this getting in someones face when they are down, it doesn't work for me.

Why is it more people are willing to yell at you then to gently sit down beside you and just put an arm around your shoulder and say..."I understand, but trust me it will be OK" while you hurt so much inside that you can't think at all.

I need the understanding so that I can paint.
I don't need put downs, shouting, or comments like just get over it.
Not at first maybe when I have moved on, then a discussion on getting over it would be enlightening.

All in all, I found my own way to painting once again.
Paint under a deadline. LOL


The bigger meaning of healing is a 'wholing,' a filling out of the missing pieces of a person's life.-Patricia Reiss

Need to Paint

I forgot about this one but realize I need to follow up on too funny.
Life wasn't funny at all for a long time after that posting.

I didn't paint for nearly 6 months but I accepted a show late in the year and finally found a way to paint.
I painted scenes from family life.
I painted mother's holding babies, father playing with their children.

I painted and painted and painted.
I made the deadline for the show and once again was able to move forward.

I needed to paint to heal my soul and to get over the saddness.

Today's Quote
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.-Jean Cocteau

TOO FUNNY?

So here I am on my own blog site and I forget to check it out.
Too Funny.
especially since the last posting did produce some comments.
I checked out the Juicy Fruit sight and see that they too are having some trouble remembering to post to their own blog.
Guess we all tend to start something and never follow through.
Too Funny.

The other comments seem to be advertisements.
Why?
If I don't even come here.....why would someone post an ad here to attract traffic to their own sights....TOO FUNNY

Now for the art part of this blog.
The art world has swirled around me and I am either really really up or really really down.
Is it an artist's tendency to be so emotional.
Is that what makes them creative?

I lost my nephew this year.
He was only 25 years old.
He lived large and he lived big.
His whole life he lived on the edge.
His ups and downs were wild and erratic. He did have the ability to be creative.
But his choice was to live creatively versus produce creative ideas.
He did more in his life then most will do in a lifetime.

But he died.
He died from alcohol poisoning during New Orleans Mardi Gras in 2006.
The year after Katrina.
The year that New Orleans really wasn't ready to have Mardi Gras again.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough resturants opened again.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough police staff to control the event.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough emergency staff to respond to problems.
Was it my nephew's fault that there wasn't enough to do in New Orleans during Mardi Gras that 20 young men stayed in the same room and spent the weekend going out for fun and the only thing available to do was drink....to a certain extent of course. It was his choice.
But I also think it was partly the myth of Mardi Gras and New Orleans' need to continue this myth.
No this isn't "too funny" but definately is " too sad".
My last painting so far this year was a painting dedicated to my Nephew.
Sean's Song.

I hope that I will find my creative edge again this year and continue to produce my creative side.

At the Same Spot but yet have moved on.

Well, rereading my own blog I find that I am nearly at the same spot.
But yet it is different.
I have moved away from those who tend to make me feel less than I am or in other words bring the worst out in me......and it does produce a sense of freedom.

Yet. I find that I am in the same spot. Those I have moved away from and I avoid.....their spot has been filled by others who do the same thing....make me feel less than I am.

Is this because I let them.
Is this because of something within me that they zoom in on and feel free to inform me of what I am doing incorrectly.
Is this a way of life for me and all that there is?

I did learn something about leaving those behind ....that when I meet someone new who tends to bring the worst out in me...I no longer spend that much time with them. I move on much faster. I don't try to understand their need to put me down or waste my energy being angry with them. I take care of me and let them wear someone else down. If the person is someone I care about...then I will speak openly to them and will not allow them to bring me down. I will let them know that I value their opinions but that they cannot tell me NOT to be who I am. I will respect them and in return they need to respect me.

Ok so this isn't about art but about attitude.
Art is the subject here.
Art and Naked Walls.

Now this is a true artist's attitude Naked Walls....do they distrub or do they bring peace?

At the Same Spot but yet have moved on.

A new day a new key.

Things have been fast and furious here.
Many adventures some good some bad.
Needing to really focus on the key to making a living by my art.
No more playing around.
No more time spent doing other work for other people.

I tend to share my ideas before their time and those who have the ability to move faster take these same Ideas and run with them.
I have to learn to keep things to myself more.
It is interesting to find so many people who tend to make me feel less than I am are so willing to take my plans.
Now if they don't respect me....Why do they want to beat me to my own game.
Not sure this is making any sense but just something I need to put down....

I have missed another show and exhibition deadline. I feel that I am sabotaging myself in my own endeavors....if I plan to make more than I did last year then I need to stay focused.
It isn't that I need to enter the shows....but it is important to produce new work.....and entering shows seems one way to get me to produce.

I have sold 2 very large paintings and I have 3 that would make a good income if they would sell.
I need to work on my newest series which is titled the Family Life.
I need to get a calendar together or program of some sort that would keep me up to date on shows.........

well, I need to do a lot of things and I seem to be spending time on the computer instead at the easel.....
TCB