painting once again.

Again I posted this title and then did not follow through.
It was a hard time in my life.
My nephew had died and my father was facing his battle with cancer once again.
Then my brother in law, the father of the child who died, also was facing a battle with cancer.

To top it off I lost an 2 Uncles and 2 Aunts and my best friend lost her father.
I was over the top most of the time and sadder than sad.

I moaned and groaned and couldn't find my way out of the pain.
I got lost in a very dim dark room of my mind and a lot of people felt like I just needed a quick kick in the pants, or as they said GOT IN MY FACE.

No that really doesn't work for me other than to get my defences up and makes me become angry. I don't like people who use put downs or mean remarks to move a person along.
I prefer people with a slow hand or a gently touch.
Who can say in easy tones "Pam, enough."
Who can say what it is that I need to hear.
Say it in a tone and temperament that leads me slowly through the darkness.
Then I can paint once again.

If they are shouting at me, like a child I want to hide for cover, or slide further under the bed to keep from being harmed.
I can only be coaxed out by the gentle tones of some one who cares.
Enough of this getting in someones face when they are down, it doesn't work for me.

Why is it more people are willing to yell at you then to gently sit down beside you and just put an arm around your shoulder and say..."I understand, but trust me it will be OK" while you hurt so much inside that you can't think at all.

I need the understanding so that I can paint.
I don't need put downs, shouting, or comments like just get over it.
Not at first maybe when I have moved on, then a discussion on getting over it would be enlightening.

All in all, I found my own way to painting once again.
Paint under a deadline. LOL


The bigger meaning of healing is a 'wholing,' a filling out of the missing pieces of a person's life.-Patricia Reiss

Need to Paint

I forgot about this one but realize I need to follow up on too funny.
Life wasn't funny at all for a long time after that posting.

I didn't paint for nearly 6 months but I accepted a show late in the year and finally found a way to paint.
I painted scenes from family life.
I painted mother's holding babies, father playing with their children.

I painted and painted and painted.
I made the deadline for the show and once again was able to move forward.

I needed to paint to heal my soul and to get over the saddness.

Today's Quote
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.-Jean Cocteau

TOO FUNNY?

So here I am on my own blog site and I forget to check it out.
Too Funny.
especially since the last posting did produce some comments.
I checked out the Juicy Fruit sight and see that they too are having some trouble remembering to post to their own blog.
Guess we all tend to start something and never follow through.
Too Funny.

The other comments seem to be advertisements.
Why?
If I don't even come here.....why would someone post an ad here to attract traffic to their own sights....TOO FUNNY

Now for the art part of this blog.
The art world has swirled around me and I am either really really up or really really down.
Is it an artist's tendency to be so emotional.
Is that what makes them creative?

I lost my nephew this year.
He was only 25 years old.
He lived large and he lived big.
His whole life he lived on the edge.
His ups and downs were wild and erratic. He did have the ability to be creative.
But his choice was to live creatively versus produce creative ideas.
He did more in his life then most will do in a lifetime.

But he died.
He died from alcohol poisoning during New Orleans Mardi Gras in 2006.
The year after Katrina.
The year that New Orleans really wasn't ready to have Mardi Gras again.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough resturants opened again.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough police staff to control the event.
The year that New Orleans didn't have enough emergency staff to respond to problems.
Was it my nephew's fault that there wasn't enough to do in New Orleans during Mardi Gras that 20 young men stayed in the same room and spent the weekend going out for fun and the only thing available to do was drink....to a certain extent of course. It was his choice.
But I also think it was partly the myth of Mardi Gras and New Orleans' need to continue this myth.
No this isn't "too funny" but definately is " too sad".
My last painting so far this year was a painting dedicated to my Nephew.
Sean's Song.

I hope that I will find my creative edge again this year and continue to produce my creative side.